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What is femininity?

by Agata Dzierżawa
What is femininity - a picture of women dancing in circle.

What is femininity? Does femininity consist only in glancing at yourself through the eyes of a man or giving birth to a child?

There is no single model of femininity. What femininity is, it depends on times, culture, and community. The only common denominator that defines femininity is the ability to give birth to a child, the biological function of our body. But is your life just about fulfilling this role?

In this article: 

  • You will learn about femininity. 
  • You will find out what women’s circles are and what they give women.

In patriarchal cultures, unfortunately, the role of a woman is limited to a sexual object and being a mother, giving birth to children, etc., but is it enough to fully realize yourself as a human? And if you don’t give birth or have a different sexual orientation, does it deprive you of femininity?

Each of us has a different mission to fulfill in this life.

Another role, a different life plan, a different lesson to do and is at a different stage in the evolution of the soul. Your body is to help your soul achieve this goal. Before you judge someone, remember that.

Lack of offspring does not mean that you are less feminine, but that you have a different task in this lifetime. Similarly, having a bunch of kids doesn’t make you a Super Woman. Don’t let yourself be told what your life should be like. Listen to yourself and your intuition. If you feel that your calling is to raise a child, follow that voice. However, if for some reason you do not feel that you will fulfill the role of mother or you cannot have children, look for your calling.

Don’t be persuaded that you are less feminine just because you do not fit in what is accepted with social norms. You don’t have to be a grandmother looking after your grandchildren just because your environment expects it. You can have 20 years younger lovers and go to clubs with them if you feel like it. It’s your life and it’s up to you how you live it. Equally, your self-expression or relationships don’t define your femininity. You are just as feminine in sneakers as in high heels, wearing a dress or trousers, with short hair or long, married, divorced, or single. Femininity is your inner strength. It’s your ability to listen to your own intuition.

Your femininity changes with age, but it’s always in you from the very beginning.

It evolves in you throughout your whole life. The femininity of a girl is different from that of a mature woman. You get to know her new faces more and more throughout your life. And this through sexual initiation, and this is the birth of a child, and is a period of menopause. You learn it primarily from your mother, but also from all the important women in your life: grandmothers, aunts, sisters, friends, teachers, etc.

Each of them takes part in adapting you to perform specific social roles in the future, to be a good wife, mother, lover, grandmother, home carer, etc. They program you accordingly from the moment your parents get information about your gender from a doctor. This is called imprinting, they imprint the right identity for you, which on the one hand is natural because the differences between the sexes are undeniable, but on the other hand, it puts you in such and not other life paths. And yet you have the right to choose your own identity, goals, successes, or expectations.

Although you are an independent entity, you must also remember that you are also part of larger communities.

You are a part of the community and you need it. In all places on earth, times, cultures, and communities, roles have always been divided and meetings during various activities were completely natural. The women stayed in their group, even when washing, tearing, or cooking together, and the men stayed in theirs, e.g. while hunting. Women have always organized themselves, stayed in their group, had their meetings, circles, secrets, and rituals.

Although today the situation looks a bit different because everyone puts on their independence. Society is more fragmented, and the pace and demands of life are becoming more and more hectic. Although women from all walks of life find it more difficult to unite and share a space in which to grow and study together. However, you also participate in such meetings at every stage of your life. Whether you realize it or not. Of course, they took on a slightly different, more modern form. Often not even obvious.

When you think about it, then these female support groups were formed anytime, anywhere, at every stage of your life.

Once they were informal email groups inside the organization in which you worked so-called “Secretarial chats”. Sometimes participation in business training – “secretary training”. Another time, talks over wine and good food, focusing women on emigration, called “women meeting”. Sometimes, feasting at a richly set table called “oilcloth”. And sometimes vacation trips under the name “wandering aunties.” Or weekend getaways like ‘tuning goddesses’. These meetings also took the form of various discussion groups on popular messengers, e.g. “lachonarium” or “managerial group”. The idea has always been one: the flow of feminine power and mutual support. Of course, most of them relied mainly on the joint sip of wine and gossips, but they all evolved with your personal growth. They gave you exactly what you needed from them at the moment. From ordinary conversation or fooling around to meditating together and looking for the sound of your soul.

These meetings always resulted from an internal need. With the desire to share your experiences, problems, and joys, your vision, and perception of the world. From the need to interact with people who think and feel similar to you.

Women need other women. They need their understanding, acceptance, advice, help, and support. They need a community. In this way they experience sisterhood. They may not see each other for a long time, several months, or even several years, and when they meet, they think they parted yesterday. They were so happy with them, good, close and nice.

But what to do if you naturally do not form such female support groups around you?

You are a new mother and, by nature, spend more time at home. Or for professional reasons do you spend more time with men? You can try the so-called women’s circles or informal women’s meetings. There are very many types, trips, local, online, on all possible topics. You have a lot to choose from.

But of course, as usual, follow your intuition when choosing your female circle. Nowadays, unfortunately, sometimes they are used for marketing purposes. In order to sell you some good or service, e.g. development training. Be careful.

Where does the need to create such meetings come from? Often due to the lack of a positive female pattern in the immediate surroundings. It may turn out that your mother gives you the feeling that you are not growing up to her imaginations. You constantly compete with your sister for your parents’ favor. Grandmothers are either dead or unable to adapt to the modern world, and your aunts are constantly criticizing you.

Women’s circles.

They come from Indian traditions. Usually, around 10 often unknown women participate in them. They meet in a friendly, safe, and atmospheric place to experience each other. This is no ordinary coffee chat. Very often they are accompanied by appropriate rituals. Participants of such meetings usually sit in a circle, on the floor, on cushions or sofas. Why in the circle? Because it is a symbol of infinity, and also means that everyone in the circle is equal. Equal in terms of voting rights and silence. Everyone sees each other, they are quite physically close together, which allows them to enter into closer spiritual contact.

There is no leader, but there is usually someone who watches over the course of the meeting. All participants of such a circle take turns speaking. They speak from the heart, spontaneously, share their story with others. Without fear of evaluation or despite this. They can also express themselves in a different form, e.g. by singing or dancing.

In the middle of the circle, there are usually some magic items, a bonfire, or a burning candle.

Often the participants smudge with sage to remove negative energy. Often, participants also wonder about the common intention that the current circle would like to entrust, e.g. “tempering,” fine-tuning “etc. The form of the circle is fluid, spontaneous, intuitive, and depends on the participants. The topics discussed in the circle are various. Women share their heart, sexual, family problems, joys, sorrows, discoveries, recipes, dreams, interesting books they have read, transitions, experiences, e.g. during childbirth, etc. There are no taboos. Women appearing in the vertebrae are of different ages. It gives women the opportunity to meet women at different stages of life, from different backgrounds and exchange experiences. Each meeting has different dynamics, rhythm, and tone.

What do female circles give you?

Women in such circles heal each other, give each other consolation and support.

  • Teach you listening and talking about important things, creating sisterly bonds, unconditional acceptance, trust, cooperation, and friendship.
  • Exchange wisdom and experience.
  • Transform.
  • Teach you a self-reflection.
  • Teach you that every unique perspective is valuable.
  • Give participants the right flow.
  • Let you celebrate life.
  • They are often an inspiration for women, unblock, and add wings.
  • They help regain body, strength, wisdom, and voice.

According to research by scientists from Northwestern University and the University of Notre Dame, women who regularly communicate with a female-dominated circle are more likely to achieve senior management positions. As many as 75% of the surveyed women in high-level positions regularly communicate with other women who are close to each other.

Each of us needs support and community, you too. We need each other. We need a woman’s space. Accepting your own femininity and not denying it. Imitation of male behavior: winning and competing led us to deny and lose character traits that should be natural to us because they are combined with feminine nature.

Female circles arise everywhere.

Everybody needs support and inspiration to reach our inner goddess who has lived in each of us for a long time, be it the goddess of inspiration, stability, grace, earth, metamorphosis, or something completely different. We turn to ourselves to know each other deeply and see that we can draw on our own sources of love, wisdom, and power to find happiness.

We live in a time of civilization breakthrough. The era of the triumphal and egoistic expansion of man and the limitless exploitation of Mother Nature is ending. The patriarchal model of life is coming to an end. The role of women in social life is increasing. There is a change in the direction of cognitive exploration from an authority, empirical, rational knowledge, and material dimension to the experience and direct insight into the intent of things and intuition. Women wake up from lethargy, and with them wakes up spirituality – a sense of deep connection with the entire community – human, terrestrial, and cosmic.

This article is dedicated to all my wonderful sisters, secretaries, lachons, aunts, goddesses, and a managerial group. Thank you for being here!

Do you have any spiritual sisters? Write in the comments.


Kayla Stoner „Most successful women surround themselves with other women”, Northwestern Now, 2019,

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