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5 soul wounds and the ego masks.

by Agata Dzierżawa
5 soul wounds and ego masks is a picture of a girl and clover with bandage patches above her.

The first step in working on yourself should be to identify 2 out of 5 soul wounds and the ego mask.

Where do 5 soul wounds and ego masks come from?

As you know, the goal of soul evolution is to experience as much as possible to accept and love itself. Lack of acceptance of experiences, assessing them and experiencing feelings of guilt, fear, regret, or other forms of lack of acceptance causes that you meet them again in your current or next life. As long as you learn to fully accept them. That is, you allow yourself to experience and draw conclusions from your own experiences.

Everything you experience without acceptance accumulates in your soul. Because it is immortal, it takes this luggage with them in every incarnation.

In this article you will:

  • Know 5 soul wounds: rejection wound, abandonment wound, humiliation wound, betrayal wound, and injustice wound.
  • Find out what mask your ego puts on to avoid the pain associated with them and how it manifests (withdrawn, dependent, masochist, controlling and harsh masks).
  • Learn what activates wounds.
  • Learn how to heal them.

Before you are born as a soul, you choose what “luggage” you want to settle in the next incarnation. Of course, you are not intellectually aware of this, in your physical form, it is only with time that you slowly begin to realize what your life plan is and what you should regulate in it.

We all come into the world with wounds that we must learn to accept. There are 5 of these wounds and each of us has at least 2 of them.

As you know, the ego hates pain, so it works immediately to avoid it because that is its role. So, what does it do to avoid the pain caused by the soul wound?

The way ego, or your mind, your intelligence to avoid the suffering and pain associated with the wound of the soul is to put on a mask every time it is activated. This is because the ego tries to avoid unpleasant situations at all costs. The ego uses this trick to convince you that you have no wound. It thinks that denial will make it disappear and you won’t feel it. Unfortunately, every time you put on a mask, you hide something from yourself. It causes a deep sense of betrayal because you are not faithful to the needs of your soul.

To help yourself, you should always listen to your intuition, the voice of your soul.

It always tries to direct you towards the people and situations that you need to grow and develop in accordance with your life plan.

When you are born, you focus on the needs of your soul, which wants you to accept all the pros, cons, weaknesses, personality, and desires. Unfortunately, it soon turns out that your soul’s expectations are not necessarily in line with those of your parents, caregivers, or other people.

What is natural and instinctively for a small child not everyone likes and this behavior is not always acceptable by adults. This discovery is painful for you and is associated with rebellion or sometimes even hysteria called the rebellion of a two-year-old or teenager, depending on the stage of human life see inner monads. In the end, however, you give up and create a new personality, put on a mask to become what adults would like to see you. Unfortunately, most of us remain at this stage, which causes constant anger and crisis.

Each of us is therefore full of beliefs about what should we be, which does not allow us to be what we would like to be. These beliefs are nothing more than just our own thoughts, so they do not have to rule our entire lives. You can, and sometimes even you need to change them.

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5 soul wounds

5 soul wounds and the ego masks

1 The Wound of Rejection

It activates from the moment of conception until the first year of life in relation to a child who felt rejected by a parent of the same sex. As a result, he doesn’t believe in his right to exist.

The ego’s reaction: putting on a withdrawn mask, manifested through:

  • Dissatisfaction with who you are.
  • Assessing yourself as a meaningless person.
  • Lack of self-respect.
  • Considering yourself a family freak.
  • Defending yourself by refusal.
  • Anxiety.
  • Not paying attention to material matters, in favor of the world of intellect.
  • Escaping into alcohol, drugs, sudden trips, virtual games.
  • Rich imagination.
  • Taciturn, withdrawal, isolation leading to loneliness.
  • Anchoring in the material world through a sense of being busy.
  • Perfectionism.

Anxiety: panic.

2 The Wound of Abandonment

It activates between the first and third years of life in a relationship with a parent of the opposite sex due to the lack of parental support on the emotional plane. Lack of attentive attention.

The ego’s reaction: putting on a dependent mask, which manifests itself through:

  • Problems with independent functioning and fear of loneliness.
  • Suffering from sadness without knowing its cause.
  • Crying alone sometimes for long hours.
  • Developing the victim’s attitude – believing in bad luck, causing dramas, diseases, in order to arouse pity for others.
  • Merging with others by entering into their emotions and suffering to attract attention.
  • Celebrity behavior, constantly talking about yourself.
  • Problems with making decisions and acting independently, picking on others.
  • Not listening to the advice of others.
  • Changeable moods.
  • Problems ending relationships.
  • Sinking into itself as a small scared child in the presence of an angry or aggressive person.

Anxiety: loneliness.

3 The Wound of Humiliation

It activates between the first and third year of life in a relationship with a parent who was exulting in all kinds of physical and sensual pleasure, causing shame in a child.

The ego’s reaction: putting on a masochist mask – manifested by:

  • The impression of being constantly observed and embedded.
  • Doing everything to be worthy in the eyes of God or those he loves.
  • Serving everyone you love.
  • Restraint in words.
  • The tendency to justify others.
  • Reluctance to admit to your sensuality.
  • Suppressing your sensual drive.
  • Fear of punishment for the excessive joy of life.
  • Putting the needs of others above your own.
  • Feeling often sloppy, dirty, or unworthy.
  • Compensates for different needs with food; it’s easy to get fat.
  • A talent for making people laugh, but often by mocking or humiliating himself.

Anxiety: freedom.

4 The Wound of Betrayal

It occurs between the second and fourth years of life in a relationship with a parent of the opposite sex due to the parent’s attention not adequate to the child’s expectations. And also, a loss of trust in a parent due to unfulfilled promises, lies, or signs of weakness.

Ego reaction: putting on a controlling mask by:

  • Imposing your will and point of view on others.
  • No contact with your own sensitivity.
  • Demonstrating your own strength.
  • A constant need to improve.
  • Striving for honors, titles, the need to be special, and important.
  • Attaching importance to reputation.
  • Lack of tolerance for the lies of others but lying alone.
  • High expectations of others.
  • Applying rigor, manipulation, and control.
  • Strong need for all planning and a lack of flexibility in relation to unforeseen situations.
  • Lack of trust in the opposite sex.
  • Problems with discovering and confiding to others.
  • Too quick conclusions.
  • Quick reasoning and action.
  • A tendency to offend, suddenly ending relationships, and cutting off contact.
  • Lack of tolerance and impatience.

Anxiety: dissociation, separation, and denial.

5 The Wound of Injustice

It occurs between the age of four and six in relation to same-sex parents in children who have experienced parental dryness.

The ego’s reaction: putting on a harsh mask manifested by:

  • Showing your vitality despite being tired.
  • Difficulties in admitting to experiencing problems.
  • Constant optimism.
  • Controlling yourself to always be perfect.
  • Fear of losing control.
  • Unaware of your own injustice towards others.
  • Problems showing feelings.
  • Problems creating a satisfying intimate relationship.
  • Very high demands on your body such as not acknowledging your illness.
  • Great acceptance of pain and cold.
  • Auto tamper.
  • A tendency to criticize others and yourself.
  • Putting skills above feelings.

Anxiety: chill.

How do wounds get activated?

Every day you go from one wound to another depending on the circumstances and people around you.

  • The wound can be activated by somebody’s attitude or behavior towards you.
  • It could bee also activated by your attitude towards someone else.
  • You can also activate it yourself by your attitude towards yourself.

How can you heal your wounds?

You must become aware of the wound and accept it. Observe your wound instead of letting the ego mask dominate. Accept the thought that the fear that is guided by your ego affects your perception of reality and reactions in a given situation. Watch the pain and let yourself be only human.

How to do it?

Having a wound of:

  • rejection, feel good in your skin, even though someone forgets about your existence.
  • abandonment, feel good even though you are alone, and do not seek someone’s attention.
  • humiliation, ask without feeling disturbed, check your needs before you commit yourself to others.
  • betrayal feel proud of your achievements, although no one else appreciates it. Don’t get attached to results and don’t want to be in the spotlight.
  • injustice allow yourself to be less perfect, indulge insensitivity, anger without guilt, and fear of judgment.

To recognize your wound, it is also helpful to remember that we do not accept in others what we do not want to see in ourselves. We do so for fear of change. That’s why we always try to change the people around us. Meanwhile, nobody in your life is to meet your expectations, they come from a lack of self-love.

You should also forgive those who have activated this wound in you, tie it to your parent, forgive him, and yourself for having it.


Lise Bourbeau “EGO: The Greatest Obstacle to Healing the 5 Wounds” („Ego największa przeszkoda w leczeniu 5 ran”, Wydawnictwo KOS, Katowice, 2012).

Lise Bourbeau “Heal your wounds and find your true self” („Bądź sobą wylecz swoje 5 ran”, Wydawnictwo KOS, Katowice, 2012.


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Nim 04 February 2021 - 22:23

This was fucking amazing! I had no idea I had all this and so much more foin gone inside my psyche. Than you so much for this article. 🙂

Alice 15 February 2021 - 13:38

Thanks for the insight, very informative.

Bin 28 May 2021 - 18:33

Wow, so good.. Do you recommend any books on this topic?

Agata Dzierżawa
Agata Dzierżawa 28 May 2021 - 22:26

Lise Bourbeau “EGO: The Greatest Obstacle to Healing the 5 Wounds” and “Heal your wounds and find your true self.

Michaela Hemsley
Michaela Hemsley 17 November 2021 - 01:32

Thanks for detailing five different kinds of soul wounds. It’s good to know that they can be healed. I will have to look into a coach that could help walk me through that process.

Agata Dzierżawa
Agata Dzierżawa 17 November 2021 - 10:57

I am glad I could help you. You can also try with me if you like my working hours. I run online therapy. Take care and good luck with your healing!

Heal77 18 February 2022 - 06:29

Hi Agata,

What is the duration of each session and how much do you charge for your sessions? Thanks.

Agata Dzierżawa
Agata Dzierżawa 18 February 2022 - 08:45

Around 1,5 – 2 hours. 300 PLN for each session. 🙂

Heal77 18 February 2022 - 16:01

I want to schedule a session. I live in the US and follow EST time zone. What time zone do you follow if I need to make an appointment from your website calendar? Thanks.

Agata Dzierżawa
Agata Dzierżawa 18 February 2022 - 19:08

GMT+1 central european time


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