Almost all parents unconsciously fall into the role of God, when they try to create a child in their own image and likeness, calling their behavior upbringing which they consider correct and necessary. Thus, parents not only take care of a small child and satisfy its basic needs but also raise them. This means that they shape them physically, morally, and mentally, often also with the help of specially created institutions, e.g. nurseries or kindergartens.
In this article, you will learn what upbringing has to do with fascism and freedom.
Where does the need to raise a child come from?
Mainly because parents identify the child with an imperfect human existence that needs the help of specialists, i.e. adults, and external support for its own development. Therefore, they consciously and deliberately influence the emerging identity, personality, character, and attitude of a new person, thus helping them to develop their own humanity. They also implement them into the culture and participation in the life of various social structures. Which practically means that they change the behavior of another person in a strictly defined situation and time.
They consider the child a tabula rasa and treat it as a blank piece of paper that should be filled in according to one’s preferences, dreams, and expectations, as well as social preferences and norms. This is how, for centuries, generations of adults have influenced immature individuals. By depriving the child of the ability to self-determination and self-realization, and thus objectifying them. And they also destroy their individuality, instead of developing and nurturing it in them. They make it become another cog of the entire system instead of providing it with new quality and functionality.
For hundreds of years, children were seen only as new hands to work and an opportunity to multiply family wealth. Or someone who adds splendor to the family and raises its status in the community by causing serotonin bursts in the brain of mammals. Thus, satisfying a mammal’s primary need – survival.
This instinctive drive to achieve the highest status in the group manifests itself today through the selection of the best delivery rooms, layettes for babies, nannies, nurseries, kindergartens, and schools.
And also, more and more sophisticated extracurricular activities, camps, holidays, birthday parties, and various types of gadgets and material goods. All this is very often at the expense of valuable time spent together with the child and neglect in satisfying the child’s needs emotionally. And, of course, all this is for the sake of the child, so that they has the best possible start in life and can cope in a world full of competition. But has anyone ever asked a child if they want to cope in a competitive world and live the way their parents feel is right? Not because the parents are always right and they know what’s best for their children, not themselves.
This is how the whole spiral of activities aimed at raising a happy person begins.
Happy, of course as understood by their parents, not a child. But how can you raise a happy child without being happy yourself? Any parent who has not solved their childhood problems unfortunately unconsciously reacts to them on their own child. When a child is born into the world, they starts a subconscious game, the victim of which is often their child. They begins to rape the child’s soul and break its spirit. The child’s feelings, choices, opinions, preferences, individuality and uniqueness, and sometimes even their health and life, are not respected.
A parent who has problems with their own emotionality and affection has an enormous need for power, which they most often gives an outlet to their child. The power-hungry adult uses upbringing as a sign to mask their real intentions towards the child – to relieve their own emotional tension. The tensions that this is the price they pays themself for suppressing their own childhood suffering. So they calls their behavior towards the child a tradition, normality, or upbringing “for your good”. Meanwhile, they is actually using children to meet their needs, often violating them.
The lawlessness and sometimes even the madness of an adult lead to children being forbidden to cry, speak or protest. Corporal punishment is still frequently used. And so the parent becomes the all-powerful, strict, and capricious parent. Demonstrates absolute power and forces obedience. It suppresses the child’s reflexes and feelings, destroying the child’s authentic and spontaneous soul. At the same time, teaching children to distinguish good from evil and explaining it to them through their own filters and behaviors.
Of course, most parents try to provide their children with what they did not get from their parents in their childhood, while doing exactly the same as their parents did towards them.
Upbringing and fascism. Upbringing and fascism.
Meanwhile, every child is born with the natural qualities of an authentic human being, trust, and love.
It is precious, vulnerable, imperfect, dependent, and immature. Parents who healed their childhood themselves help their children develop each of these traits so that they enter adulthood as mature and self-satisfied individuals. A happy childhood is one in which all the child’s biological, mental, material, and social needs are met. But also, a childhood that respects the dignity and freedom of the new human being.
Children from the backbone of any community.
The use of violence by an adult towards a defenseless child leads to contempt for them. And someone who has been despised despises others in the future. Excessive control violates their freedom. Meanwhile, to be able to consciously feel the pain due to the lack of freedom, it is necessary to imagine what freedom and respect for life are. Lack of such experience leads to disrespect for the right to existence and self-determination of other creatures. And it confirms the belief that everything that exists to satisfy the needs of another, stronger individual.
This is how the child, i.e. the later adult, learns that it is not good enough on its own, that it needs the support of external authorities to be able to make independent decisions. They stops thinking critically because they doesn’t believe in themself and their mental abilities. As a later adult, they is convinced that they must obey authority and ignore their intuition. They is afraid to have a different opinion than the rest of the community, theey follows the crowd blindly and does not want to stand out because they does not feel worthy of self-determination. Such a man needs the results of scientific research and American scientists, religion, law, structured workplaces and people who tell them what is good for theem. And also believes that they has the right to put themself in a privileged position over other weaker creatures.Therefore, it subjugates all creatures that exist on Earth without showing them due respect. And from here it is only a step to a natural disaster.
A well-bred child is an ideal citizen of totalitarian regimes or an ideal ruler of a totalitarian system.
A person who has not experienced freedom will not demonstrate freedom. They is the perfect citizen trained to do what they tell them with blind obedience. Such a person introduces order by violence, exactly as they learned it as a child. Victims of such an upbringing are so eager to do with others what has been done with them. If they don’t have children or if they flee their vengeance, they turn to a new form of fascism. Fascism makes any crime possible because it gives itself the right to destroy life without assuming any responsibility. It decides what is not worthy of life, it destroys those who do not submit to it. Fascism always aims to destroy truth and freedom. People who, as children, knew only the language of violence consider it the only correct one, regardless of whether they later become victims or tools of this system.
We will not be free if we forget or ignore the cruelty and brutality experienced in childhood.
Unfortunately, most of us do not want or cannot remember the facts. We build high walls to protect ourselves from painful facts. The repression of childhood trauma poisons our lives. We are all afraid of the truth. A person who displaces and denies a devastating childhood experience is dangerous to others. The more power they holds in their hands. Each of the torturers in the history of mankind, Hitler or Stalin, promoted in adulthood the virtues of torture, of which they themself was a victim in their childhood. Such people always yearn to have the power and be able to get back their tormentors for the suffering they have suffered.
Adolf Hitler did not deny that he was beaten. He denied his feelings and therefore became the murderer of millions of human beings. This would not have happened if he had gotten emotionally close to his experiences and his truth and was able to mourn them. The more panicked the fear of repressed facts, the more destructive and dangerous fanaticism becomes. Only when you are able to feel the pain of the beaten child you used to be, are you able to release blocked memories, remember what you have repressed – hidden or overt abuse hidden under the innocent word of upbringing. And also, only when you are able to properly judge and feel the cynicism and mockery of an adult can you come closer to the truth about your childhood. And then you will no longer be a danger to other people. It is worth reliving old pain in order to free yourself from it – for life.
Only people who are aware of their own history take the side of life, not destruction.
They stand for facts, not ideology. They warn against training, subjugation, brutal submission, totalitarian regime before it is too late. They are capable of fighting for their own rights without using violence. This knowledge is essential for the survival of our planet. To warn against dangerous false prophets. Warn against the loss of democratic rights and submission to tyrants. To hand over our rights to dictators only because they pretend to be strong fathers. Similar to our parents. They will warn you by uncritically trusting everything they say and do just because they tell us they are doing it for our own good. Just like our parents told us when we couldn’t question their behavior.
When you are a child and your parents apply the totalitarian regime, you are stuck in it because you do not realize that they treat you sadistically and cruelly. You don’t know they are underestimating you. In addition, you are often accompanied by the fear of punishment from your parents. You also cannot tell them that you will find other parents who are more aware and are looking for the fault within yourself. This looking for guilt in oneself ends up with low self-esteem, a tendency to use drugs, or undergo unnecessary medical operations.
And all this through an upbringing that each of us considers correct and necessary because we were brought up ourselves.
Meanwhile, the key to true individual freedom is not education, but guidance. Pointing out different development paths, not molding, to fit into the right form. Until we understand this, nothing in our world will change. And there will always be people who will strive for absolute power over others, people who will uncritically and thoughtlessly obey others, and people who will try to wake up the rest. However, this awakening will not be possible until adults make the decision to face their past to heal their wounds, get rid of fear and fear, and trust themselves rather than someone else.
Destructive dispositions are not innate, and inherited dispositions are neither good nor bad. How they will be used depends primarily on childhood and youth and the decisions we make as adults.
Of course, there are also parents who love their children, never beat them and treat them with due respect and a partnership approach. Such children grow up to be open-minded and aware people who want to help other people rather than rule them. They feel compassion, not hatred, and anger.
Alice Miller “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence” („Gdy runą mury milczenia”), Media Rodzina, Poznań 2006.
Thanks to our partnership with Mindvalley, you can now learn conscious parenting from the best experts in the world.
Discover a new model of parenting Oprah called “Revolutionary” and “Life-changing” so you can create the ideal environment for your children to thrive and blossom into their most authentic self with conscious parenting expert, Dr. Shefali Tsabary.
Upbringing and fascism. Upbringing and fascism.