There is something that every human being is looking for in life – love. Each of us is convinced that only it can save the world. Only love gives meaning and value to our lives. As the world is wide and long, the heart is everywhere recognized as a source of love. However, few of us understand what love really is and how it is born in our hearts.
In this article you will learn:
- What it means to have an open heart.
- How our definition of love develops with age.
- What the risk of losing love is.
We often think that love is a willingness to help others, friendliness, and kindness towards others. However, love is a state of consciousness. The moment when, apart from yourself, you can see another person. The way they is here and now. Not your idea of who this person is or the memory of who they was. Not your desire for who you want them to be, because all these are only your ideas, not other people.
When you can attain this stage of self-development, you will begin to become aware of your selective and narrow view of the world. You will begin to see your own limitations due to desires, beliefs, superstitions, memories, or projections. You will notice your motives, emotions, needs, tendencies, dishonesty, or need for control. This will help you see yourself – naked. You will see your own soul stripped of ego illusions. It is in this act of seeing that true love is born.
The word heart in Latin is “cor” and means the central part of some object.
So, it’s no wonder that everyone’s life revolves around it. The heart is the center of the universe. The Source of Life. The spiritual center of man. And most of all – the center of your universe. Many of us believe that God lives in it. And there is a lot of truth in it. The heart is the core of life, and the feelings that flow from it bind us very strongly with the will to live. An open heart allows you to feel other people’s hearts beating even physically.
The heart has the unique ability to connect opposites. It connects heaven and earth, that is, the ego with the soul and people with themselves. Love is the heart’s secret weapon. Love is the heart of life and life is the heart of love. Therefore, we must go to the core of our being to find love. Love is the meaning and fulfillment of life.
The work of the heart, or rhythmic pulsation, is a manifestation of human vital strength. And although each cell and organ have its own rhythm, it is coordinated and dependent on the pulse of the heart. The parasympathetic system slows down the heart rate and the sympathetic system accelerates it. The heart does not miss any beats accidentally. In contrast, a fluttering heart means fear.
The heart is also responsible for stimulating our body.
The most intense arousal is in young people, the smallest in the old. The state of arousal can be seen in the body and in the eyes. Positive arousal occurs in positive situations. The human reaction to the environment is the movement of body fluids and blood. If it is in favor of life, the blood flows to the surface of their body, if not the blood flows back to the center. When a person experiences a loss of love, the blood that has been delivered to the surface of the body flows rapidly inside to the heart itself. Any loss of love, threat, or fear activates this primal insecurity causing panic.
Thoughts provoke emotional reactions that in turn affect the body. An unloaded or lingering emotion gradually destroys the body, also affecting the health of the heart. High blood pressure is repressed anger, hostility, and rage. It’s a loss of love.
Ecstasy and fulfillment in love is something we all dream about.
During full orgasm, the awareness of ourselves disappears in union with our love object. Then love achieves its goal – the unity of opposites. Sometimes even sexual intercourse also causes feelings of union with a pulsating universe. Man feels identification with cosmic processes.
However, the ego often prevents us from losing ourselves in the divine act, because it only feels safe when it is in control of the situation. This control is a defense against injury. Sex satisfaction comes not from free movements, but from involuntary movements. For them to appear, you must get rid of control.
Giving yourself in love is not surrendering to another person, but to your own heart and your own desire for love.
You must accept the fear of abandonment, the potential pain of losing love, and possibly anger at possible betrayal. And their helplessness in relation to life experiences such as birth, love, illness, or death.
If a woman separates sex from love, it means that her inner child is denied, her heart is isolated, and sexual gratification is elusive. Men also use sex for purposes other than expressing love. They treat it as a confirmation of their own masculinity, regardless of the quality of the experience. When sex is used for ego purposes, the heart remains cold and uninvolved. It then becomes a purely mechanical act. Sexual excitement is then muffled and orgasm, if it occurs at all, is weak.
We teach love in the first relationships with our parents. And this skill grows with our lives.
The need to be physically in the arms of the mother is satisfied in the act of feeding. Satisfying this contact gives the child a feeling of blissful satisfaction. A baby offers a bond even at the cost of losing its own individuality. This desire for close contact remains with us until adulthood in the form of a kiss or genital contact and accompanies every feeling of love. A man cut off from an infant inside them does not know how to fully experience love.
A child is a period of exploring reality and developing your sense of self or ego. It needs care, protection, and approval. In return, it shares the fun, thanks to which it experiences a feeling of joy. However, when it is disturbed by adults, joy turns into sorrow.
Later, the child begins to need care, approval, and leadership in the group. When it receives them, it shares its fascination with adventure and offers a deep friendship.
When a child obtains a coherent picture of the immediate world and its own self, it enters puberty. This period will begin with sexual maturity on a biological level. It then needs guidance and freedom. In return, it offers fascinating and exciting romance and sex. Usually, then there is an idealization of the love object associated with strong passion and weak emotional maturity.
When the child enters adulthood, it needs a partner with whom it can share its life. In return, offering them affection, respect, and care.
Nothing is scarier for a child than feeling lost and lonely in the world.
This fear diminishes in adults and never completely disappears. No animal experiences loneliness in a similar way, because it feels like part of a larger natural world. Man’s fear flows from their self-awareness and from the fact that they is the most vulnerable and dependent creature at birth.
Each adult is an integrated whole made up of different layers of prior love experiences. However, if any of the previous stages is not completed, their personality is split. This means that on some level they can act like a baby and on some level like an adult.
The heartbreak we experienced as a child in our relationship with our parents determines our behavior in adulthood. As a result, the desire for love brings with our unmet needs from any of the earlier stages. In this situation, the word “I love you” can mean “I need your care or approval”, “I want you to react sexually to me”.
The needs of the heart and the pursuits of the ego are not in conflict in a healthy person.
In contrast, in a person with a split personality, the search for love is either infantile or aggressive. When they identifies themself with their heart, that is, the child in themself. It manifests itself in the need to be cared for, to be embraced, and protected. Such a person tends to withdraw. There is a hidden horror in it. Such a person is vulnerable and can be easily hurt. They reacts to offense or trauma by withdrawing rather than fighting. And their search comes from emptiness, not from wholeness.
Or self-control and aggression, but these needs are dominated by the ego. By blocking the longing for love, a person no longer feels the pain of a broken heart. They stiffens their body in a panic serving the apparent unity of personality and fear of pain. It reduces pain by creating armor and stiffening the muscles in the chest. A rigid person identifies themself with the ego – with the adult person in themself. However, they is unaware of their fear of abandonment.
Losing love destroys the unity of personality.
It creates two isolated centers of ego and heart, the other of which is cut off from the conscious sense of “I”. In this process, the ego is weakened but retains enough strength to guarantee a consistent sense of self regardless of the existence of major internal conflicts. Such a person wants to avoid the possibility of a broken heart and tries to regain love in other ways. Through service, hard work, gaining power, or achieving success. If you are afraid of your partner, you will either serve them or demand that they serve you. However, power is destructive to love. And the union of two people is true only in the symbiotic relationship of the infant with the mother. As it grows up, it gains independence, which means it is someone.
Love is an act of self-renunciation. It is not something we give. It comes from who you are – the gift of a loving person.
A person’s feelings and thoughts influence the development of heart disease. All internal conflicts create tension and enslave the heart. Only a person who is not afraid of love can have relative confidence that their heart will remain healthy. Hostility suppressed anger, resentment, sadness, and longing are determinants of the development of heart disease. And a lack of love can cause a heart attack. When you don’t feel superior or inferior, you don’t feel resentful or hostile. The strong need to prove one’s worth comes from the lack of unconditional love in childhood.
We all want to be free and to be loved unconditionally. We all want to commit ourselves wholeheartedly to love and sex. However, when failure is combined with a loss of self-respect, the right to love can be so overwhelming that it creates a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that can lead to a breakdown. When a person cannot bear a situation, they usually tries to change it. If you do not receive unconditional love and acceptance, the lack and rage and expectations of others of you that you cannot satisfy cause you to feel guilty. You then feel compelled to repeat the trauma to recreate the same painful and disappointing scenario all your life.
Most people who suffer from loss of love resist the wish to die by not giving up, by continuing to fight, by trying to earn love by achieving, serving, and fulfilling the expectations of others. They must be successful, and they do. They cannot fail because failure is death. Some people think that if they were only loved, they would be capable of love. They mistake longing for love. They sense love in their hearts but are unable to reach it because they have cut themselves off from their hearts with barriers that they have erected to save it.
To become a loving person, you must break the division between your ego and your heart.
This is opening the heart or opening the heart chakra. A loving person has a loving and open heart, while an indifferent person has a cold and closed heart. Your head and heart must work together. Remember that power and love are opposing values. All power creates inequality, only love means awareness of equality.
Honesty is an expression of human integrity. A man whose head and heart are harmonized says what they feels. It is authentic. Otherwise, they is not honest with themself, and their confessions are full of distrust and suspicion. They blames others by masking his dislike of himself. And every lie he utters only exacerbates their personality split.
If you want to love you must learn to see. See yourself and others with your heart.
Source:
Anthony de Mello “Call to Love” („Wezwanie do Miłości”), Zysk i S-ka Wydawnictwo, Kraków 1991
Alexander Lowen “Love, Sex, and Your Heart” („Miłość, seks i serce. Jak zadbać o zdrowie w codziennym stresie”), Jacek Santorski & Co Agencja Wydawnicza, Warszawa, 2007
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