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How to live? About the midlife crisis…

by Agata Dzierżawa
A graphic showing a woman in a crisis with many cases on her head wondering how to live.

The midlife crisis, how to live?

How to live? It starts quite innocently. Someone will come and ask if you too and if it has already started.

Later, someone else, better informed, would kindly report that X and Y broke up and that one of them had changed their preferences and that it happened because of THAT.

Your single girlfriend in a state of intoxication will tell you one night that she is not happy because her biological clock is ticking. There is no option on the horizon, so she decided to freeze. Where does her panic come from?

Another friend was left by her husband, after a dozen or so years of compliant living, because the children are almost grown and he would finally like to do something for himself. Who did he live for so far, if not for himself?

A colleague is throwing slippers and comfortable position in a corporation and running into the world with a backpack. Now or never? But why now? And what about mortgage, who will pay it?

Someone else is going to get half of a body tattoo that they has always dreamed of just to emphasis THIS moment. But why exactly this moment and not another one?

And someone else will spend a fortune on therapy in the Ayurveda clinic in India to stick a broken heart or a spine because the heart and body in this age are healing worse and worse. At what age?

What is it all about?

You ask and cannot find out. Nobody says anything directly. Someone may say something under their breath, but you do not understand what they mean. Nobody calls things by their names, avoiding answers so you ignore and downplay the first syndromes. Just ordinary rumors and dramas of everyday life.

Meanwhile, the air thickens. The atmosphere is becoming tenser. The aura of mystery is deepening. And you still do not understand what’s going on but you feel this pervasive pressure. The closer to a zero hour, the greater the focus on your person. The situation sometimes becomes unbearable and the worst are all these understatements. You feel like a wife who is constantly cheated by her husband. Everybody is whispering about it but she lives in a blissful unconscious. You only wonder why conversations will silence when you come to the party.

Finally, your Big 40 birthday is coming.

Party, wishes, like every year, but you feel that there is something different about them this time. Everybody asks how you feel about it.

How should you feel?

Normally. A birthday like a birthday, age like any other. A day like every day. Big issue. Stereotypes and that’s it. Some strange fashion. Or a simple excuse to do something stupid and explain it somehow.

You do not care. Everything is fine with you.

The birthday was over, everything was as it used to be before. The world had not collapsed. Somewhere in the depths of your soul, however, you have a feeling of relief that it didn’t touch you. That’s what you intuitively feared. You forget everything and return to everyday life calmed. It’s all over, you think. There is nothing to worry about. All this hysteria is unnecessary. Myths and that’s it.

And when you do not pay attention to it at all – it grabs you with double strength.

The midlife crisis!

It catches everyone sooner or later without exceptions. Do not fool yourself, do not pretend. You will be next. There’s no mercy. It does not save anyone. Although not everyone will admit it loud.

That’s what it was all about. Although no one called it loudly, because these words do not pass anyone’s throat. For some reason nowadays it’s a taboo subject in all circles.

Maybe because everyone wants to be young, beautiful and eternal?

Nobody explains what this crisis is about, what it’s the issue. How it starts, what it concerns, what they feel, what they are experiencing.  How they deal with it. Where do these strange reactions come from and what exactly? Why everyone is so afraid of it. There is no support or help from nowhere.  Everyone avoids the topic. The world is falling apart and nobody cares.

Yes, the world collapses, but not theirs, it is your world. Maybe that’s why they do not talk about it?

How to live?

All you need is some seemingly trivial reason – they’ll thank you for your long-term cooperation or something in this pattern. And instead of updating cv and send it, where you need, you type in google browser: How to live? What to do? How do you find meaning in life?

But the search result does not satisfy you. Nobody has given any instructions. You will have to find it alone. And this is how you start this journey.

This journey to find yourself again. That real self, not the one you’ve known so far.

How to do it? What does the crisis look like? What it reveals. How to deal with it? How to survive and how to live?

You will learn from subsequent posts.

  • If you feel that this topic is close to your heart. If you are looking for information, inspiration, support, explanation, understanding.
  • There are no taboos for you. You are interested in the perspective of someone else.
  • You want to prepare.
  • Or maybe you want to share your experiences and insights.
  • You are not afraid to face yourself.

This is the place for you.

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